Pity Party at my Place!

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What makes you feel sorry for yourself?  Is it because you had a plan and it didn’t work out the way you wanted?  Maybe someone betrayed your trust.  Perhaps something you were trying to do took a lot more skill than you have currently.

Maybe you feel like you failed big time and you don’t know how to either fix it or restart.  Or someone else’s actions have make things hard for you right now.  I sure have been there… many times.  So what do you do when you feel like it’s all coming apart at the seams?

What I used to do is play that song Bad Day by Daniel Powter… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH476CxJxfg  until I was singing way off key and laughing at myself.  It really helped me turn my day around.

There is only one reason we feel sorry for ourselves…  Holding onto disappointments!  Isn’t it crazy that hanging on to one thing can upset our entire world.  We expect things to go a certain way.  We expect people to do what they say or what they are supposed to.  We expect things or people to stay the same.  We expect people to change or mature.  So many times things change and so do the realities of life.  We expect things to roughly follow the plans that we made for our lives.

In our relationships we are sometimes disappointed because we have extremely high expectations or we expect others to think, feel, and behave as we do.  Sometimes we have not communicated our expectations yet expect our expectations to be met, that will lead us to disappointment in a hurry.

Sometimes we only expect someone to be responsible or follow through.  Maybe even just keep their word and yet they cannot.  So even having low expectations rooted in common courtesy may bring disappointment.

We have to remember that we are all raised differently, we are all unique individuals in this chaotic world.  I know that this is harder to accept than we think it is.

What I seem to find to help me more and more is that we can hold ourselves to certain expectations and yet hold others to a different level of expectations.

The best place to put our expectations is in God.  God can do the impossible.  Humans are flawed and we will fail each other and ourselves. That is why there is forgiveness.  Our forgiveness isn’t to be taken advantage of, so we must pay attention and guard our hearts accordingly.

Maybe we don’t need to hold others to certain expectations, but instead form boundaries.  These are communicated rules that you have to keep yourself safe emotionally and physically.   Boundaries are also setting priorities of what you hold most dear, and deciding for yourself where you place your energy and time.  Yes, in a way these boundaries are expectations, but these are critical to your well-being.

Jesus had boundaries.  Jesus got Angry.  Jesus flipped tables and chased people out of God’s house who were taking advantage of others.  Jesus even a time or two became frustrated with his disciples.  Jesus also knew disappointment. Since the beginning of time humans have either disappointed or pleased others.

If others continually disrespect your boundaries no matter how many times you remind them, it is time to cut ties.  You must draw the line of how much you will tolerate or forgive until it is no longer worth your energy to stay in this relationship.

It is okay to mourn the loss of the relationship, but remember that is different than feeling sorry for yourself.  Mourning the loss of the relationship can be a very emotional ordeal or a quick little “eh” and on you go.  It depends on how emotionally invested you have been in the relationship.  Mourning has a lot to do with letting go of what will never be.  The plans, the potential, and the future in that relationship is what is lost.

Please never think that just because your relationship had to come to an end that your life will never get better than this moment of pain.  No one that would disrespect you deserves for you to give up your chance at happiness.  If you feel like giving up please call the Suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Absolutely don’t stay in that place of mourning.  Life moves forward continually no matter if we are on board or not.  In the end of all this you have to let go of it.  If you feel you can forgive them, do it.  If you can’t, then don’t.  More importantly forgive yourself for the pain you endured by remaining in this lesson longer than you should have.

Use that energy to build yourself up.  Dive deep into your self care.  Explore new hobbies and interests.  Grow closer to God.  You deserve to be happy and healthy.  Sure we are going to have times of sadness, pain, and struggle, these are all part of life.  Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you.

There will always be disappointments in life, the key is to not hang on to them.  Analyze them and find the honest lesson in the disappointment.  Choose to forgive others, or not.  Definitely forgive yourself.  Create realistic boundaries to protect yourself in the future.  Provide the self care you need and deserve to grow.  Readjust your plan of action to accomplish your goals.

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